Dear Gibson,

Over the weekend, we went swimming.  Call it mid-winter blues, call it get-the-heck-outta-dodge syndrome...we needed a break.  So we got a hotel and spent hours and hours and hours at the pool.  I'm pretty sure it's the longest you've ever been in the water.  And you loved it!  You got over your fear and actually learned to swim underwater!  I was (and am!) so proud of you!  We will have to do that again, soon.  It really was so fun!

A split second of control...

and then the fight breaks out.  Typical.

Big fish.

Love, Mommy

Dear Gibson,

I have been a neglectful mother.  The past couple of weeks have been particulary challenging for me personally, and I have not cared for you like I should.  The hardest part of being a mom lately is stepping out of myself and my own trials and showing you the happy mommy that you deserve.  I owe you a sincere apology.  Let me tell you about some of the things that have been weighing on my mind, in hopes that someday these lessons will help you understand me a little bit better.

I have a calling in the church that I love.  But with this calling has come a lot of contention and hurt feelings.  Someone said some very hurtful things to me in a public situation, and my heart was broken.  I have never been so humiliated and broken in all of my life.  My confidence was shaken, I was filled with anger and hurt.  I was consumed with the ins and outs of this situation, and spent more time in hot baths than with you and your sister.  Throughout all of this, I have learned several things. 

1.) We are all human, and all make mistakes.  That being said, we need to be careful in how we speak to people and use constraint, especially when we are angry. 
2.)  Being the bigger person can sometimes make you feel very small.  Doing the right thing is almost always harder than following your first instincts (like telling someone they can just take their you-know-what and shove it)! 
3.)  Forgiveness is easy - forgetting is much more difficult. 
4.)  Your world doesn't have to end just because I felt like mine did.
5.)  The only opinions that matter are mine, my family's, and the Lord's.
6.)  Apologizing when you were the one that was hurt can be very difficult.  But sometimes you have to grease the skids.

The list could go on, but I want you to know that I have been prayerful and humbled.  I hope I can take the lessons I've learned and be a better mother, friend, daughter, sister, and church member.

Thank you for being patient with me.  Thank you for making me smile in spite of myself.  Thank you for being amazing, as you are every day.

I love you.

-Mommy

Dear Gibson,

Today you went to a friends house to play.  It is a friend from school, and I don't know his family very well.  I was okay with you going, but as soon as you drove away, I wanted to go and get you and bring you home.  I don't think I'm ready for you to have school friends.  Too much unknown; too much could go wrong.  Next time you want to have a playdate, it will be at our house where I can have you as close to me as possible.  I'm trying not to be one of those moms.  But deep down, I kind of am.  I'm sorry.  I am overprotective and want to shelter you from the world for as long as possible.  You will be exposed eventually, but until then...you're my baby.  And, dangit...I am going to keep it that way!

We are off to a Utah Flash basketball game tonight.  You got tickets at school and even though we wouldn't normally go to something like that, your enthusiasm is contagious and so off we go.  I love nights out as a family, and it doesn't matter what we do - we always have fun together. 

So here's to a fun evening!

Love,
Mom

Dear Gibson,

You are officially 6 years old.  Man, time has flown!  Since it's your birthday (ok, it was yesterday, but we're celebrating it today!), I want to share with you the story of when you were born...It all began...

On Thursday, January 13, 2005.  I went to the doctor's office to see how things were going, and they gave me terrible news.  It was going to be at least a week before you were ready, they said.  I left the office crushed, and tired.  I was huge, uncomfortable, and really sick of being pregnant!  You were due on Saturday, and I knew that that day was going to come and go with no baby.  Bummed is a total understatement!  The next day, I went to work and planned to be there all day.  But at lunch time, I started feeling really tired.  I asked my boss if I could go home and take a nap, and he said no problem!  See you Monday!  I walked across the street to our apartment, and laid down.  When your dad got home from work, I asked him if he wanted to get the carseat installed in the car, since he was going to have a busy week at school.  He put it in, and for the first time, we felt like this was real!  We're going to have a baby in a week!  It was very exciting.  After my nap, we went to Salt Lake for a concert that Uncle Dillon was playing in.  He had just started playing the drums, and was playing a 'gig' with the members of his class.  We were in the basement of a strip mall, in a dark room with loud music and VERY hard chairs.  Halfway through, I just wasn't feeling right.  I had to stand up and walk around a little bit.  We drove home, and I watched TV for a little while before I went to be around midnight.  Daddy was going to stay up for a while and work on the computer.  Around 2am, he came into bed.  Not long after that, I woke up to (ew, gross) go to the bathroom.  At that point, I realized that (ew, double gross) I was bleeding a little bit.  I called the hospital just to make sure that that was normal, and they said it would be a good idea for me to come in as soon as possible, just to check things out.  I went in and woke up daddy, who wasn't very happy with me since he had just gotten to sleep.  Nevertheless, we gathered up a few things and drove to the hospital.  We checked in, and they put me in triage and hooked me up to all sorts of monitors.  I was 2 centimeters when we got there around 3:30 on Saturday morning, January 15th.  They said they would check me in an hour to see if there was any progress.  At 4:30, they checked and I was still a 2.  The nurse said, "well, let's give it another hour before we send you home."  So I sat there a little bit longer.  When she came back, I was a 4!  She said, "it looks like you're going to have a baby today!"  We called grandpa and grandma and told them to come whenever they could.  They were there about 1/2 hour later, just as we were getting settled in our birthing room.  I had the epidural just before 7, and it all went very smoothly.  After the epidural, I fell right to sleep.  It was the first time I was comfortable in 6 months!  I slept for a few hours, and only woke up every now and then when the nurse came to check on me.  I was making steady progress, and pretty soon you were ready!  The midwife was busy with a few other moms for a while, and so I just kept getting pushed to the bottom of the list which made grandma and Auntie very upset!  It was finally my turn, and the midwife came in and woke me up to start pushing.  It was around 11:00 in the morning.  I pushed on and off, because I kept falling asleep between contractions.  The midwife was really laid back, and actually ate her lunch while I was in the middle of pushing!  Jenell asked her if it grossed her out to eat a taco while she was delivering a baby, but she said no.  It was pretty funny!  I pushed and pushed, but you just wouldn't come out.  I think it was because I was a little too relaxed and just wasn't pushing very well.  It's very hard to push out a baby!  But after a while, you were finally coming!  My mom was in front of me, watching everything, and I noticed that she started crying.  I started crying too, and seconds later, at 12:50pm, out you came.  I remember telling the midwife that I didn't want her to lay you on me until you were all cleaned up, but your umbilical cord was very short, only about 14 inches, so there was nowhere for you to go but on me!  You were born with crud in your lungs, so I got just that brief glimpse of you while daddy cut the cord and then you were rushed by the respiratory therapists to the NICU to be monitored to make sure you were breathing correctly.  I didn't see you again until I was settled into the recovery room.  I'll never forget the first time the nurse wheeled you in in that tiny bassinet.  You were so swollen and pink.  I could tell right away that you looked like your daddy.  But there was a little bit of me in there, too.  I was completely in love.  You were like a little piece of heaven, right there in my arms.  You were perfect. 

Every day since then, you have blessed my life.  Watching you grow and being a part of your life has truly changed me.  Thank you for being my baby.

I love you,
Mommy

5 Things, Part 5

Dear Gibson,

Here is the conclusion of the 5 Things that have made me proud this year. 

Proud Moment #5
You discovered your "style."  There's nothing like when your kids are little, and you can buy whatever you want for them to wear, decorate their room however you want.  But then there's the day when you realize that you little one has opinions of their own!  It's shocking, and very hard to swallow.  With Georgia, she's had her own opinions from the time she was 6 months old.  But you always let me have my way.  Until this year!  You wanted certain clothes for school, you want certain kinds of food prepared certain ways, you want your stuff arranged the way you like it.  It's been really fun to see what kinds of things are important to you.  But don't be misled - you won't get your way in everything!  You like to collect junk (garbage, I like to call it).  I don't let you.  You like to go to school with no gel in your hair.  I always put gel in it.  There are many more things like that.  But I promise this...the future will bring a lot more opportunities for us to disagree.  Always share your opinions with me - it is important for you to have a voice.  But do understand that I'm still the mom, and I have a right to override any aforementioned opinion that you might have.  But have fun being yourself.  Be creative.  Be spontaneous.  Be organized.  Be proactive.  All of those things will help make your life more fun!  This year will be a big one for you...losing teeth, starting full-day school, and lots of other things.  You will become a little bit more Gibson, and I'm excited to watch you continue to grow and change. 

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mom

5 Things, Part 4

Dear Gibson,

Proud Moment #4:
You learned to make the best of a less-than-perfect situation! 

Exhibit A:  Since I work a few days a week, you and Georgia go to daycare after school each day.  For the longest time, you would cry and throw a fit whenever you found it was a daycare day.  It was everything I could do to even get you out of bed on those days.  You dreaded it.  I'm still not quite sure why!  But, towards the end of the summer, I had a very serious chat with you about the reasons that you went to daycare, and the importance of my job for our family.  I explained that you needed to be an example for your sister, and try and have a positive attitude.  I shared some experiences about how sometimes it's hard for me to go to work - I really don't want to, but I have to!  It's my responsibility.  And being nice at daycare was your responsibility.  After that, on daycare days, I could tell that you still weren't that happy about it but you tried very hard to be a big boy.  You make a great improvement, and it made our mornings go much more smoothly. 

Exhibit B:  You really hate the fact that daddy and I stay up later than you.  Every night, it was a battle to get you to bed without crying.  Sarcastically, you would say, "Have fun staying up, mom."  Like I was doing it to punish you and got some kind of satisfaction from your misery.  When I'd had enough, I sat you down for another big-boy chat.  I told you a story about how when daddy and I first got married, we got to spend a lot of time together.  When you were born, we still spent time together, but we were a family so most of our time was spent taking care of you.  Now that we have 2 kids and jobs and school, it is really important that we get to spend time just the 2 of us.  And sometimes, I just need time to be Brittney.  Not a mommy, or a wife, or an employee.  Just...Brittney.  You finally understood!  Now, if I ask you why it's important that you go to bed on time, you say, "So you can just be Brittney and not Mommy."  I love it.

It is so nice that you are getting old enough to understand more "grown-up" ideas.  I forget sometimes that you are capable of understanding and I still talk to you like you're a baby.  But I promise that this year, when you're six, I will try really hard to treat you like that mature little baby big boy that you are.

Only one more day! 

Love you,
Mommy

5 Things, Part 3

Dear Gibson,

Here is Proud Moment #3:
You learned the value of giving!  Last fall, a member of our ward came around collecting donations for "Pennies by the Inch," a fundraiser for the children's hospital.  He came into the living room, and waited while we went downstairs to the change jar and filled a plastic baggie with pennies.  You watched as I handed him the baggie, and he gave me a pamphlet outlining where the money was going.  I briefly explained to you as he was leaving that the money was going to help kids that are very sick.  I said goodbye to him, and closed the door.  Suddenly, you said, "Wait mom, I want to give some money, too."  I asked if you're sure, and you said yes.  I called the man back to the door, and told him that you wanted to donate some of your money.  You came out of your room, and poured two hanfuls of your pennies into an envelope.  As he left again, you had a big smile on your face and asked me if I thought that your pennies would help the sick kids.  I said yes, and you gave me a big hug.  You never mentioned the pennies again, but every now and then you mention that you felt really good when you helped the sick kids.

Giving service, in whatever form it may be in, is something that will bring you joy throughout your life.  There are times that it will be very hard, and you will have to make hard choices in order to make time for serving.  But, just like with the pennies, you will never look back and remember the sacrifices - you will only remember the blessings that came from them.  Always listen to the promptings that will lead you to those who need help.  And just like with the pennies, act on those feelings...as quickly as you can!  You will be an instrument of our Heavenly Father.  Every single "penny" that you give will make a difference in someones life.  And never forget that every day you make a difference in mine.  

Love,
Mommy